Hectic

Everything's been so hectic lately. It's one after the other and if it isn't work it's something that tugs on who I am: Emotionally, mentally, whatever. It's all been really draining.

Today I had to opportunity to spend the day with people who knew me. I was able to reflect on the challenges I've set before myself as the result of some bad decisions. I was able to stop and sit and laugh in the company of friends.

But at the end of the day, I have never felt so disconnected in my life.

I have good friends. Great characters that know a facet of me. But through it all, I have never let anyone really know who I was. No one was ever really in a position to really connect with me in a way that's second nature; a sense of security of knowing that the person you're with knows you better than you know yourself.

Actually, that's wrong. There have been two, and I've lost both of them. There have been many realizations over the past few weeks. Today was the hardest. Today I realized that no one really knows who I am anymore, and because of what I'm becoming, I can never let anyone in again.

I am not one to stay down, but today life got the better of me. I'm out. I'm done.